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I keep writing texts to my ex and deleting them for an hour straight. How do I handle the urge to reach out when I feel lonely at night?

Thoughtful guidance from a dating & relationships-focused therapist.

psychology
Therapist Response

Nighttime can intensify loneliness because your usual distractions are gone. Make a specific evening plan for urge moments: delay sending for 30 minutes, use a notes app to vent, and reach out to a trusted person instead. Keep reminders visible about why contact is not helping your healing. In breakup therapy, we build an urge-response plan tailored to your triggers so nights feel less like emotional emergencies.

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Great question. Dating coaching usually focuses on tactics, like how to message, what to say on dates, or how to improve your profile. Dating therapy includes some of that, but it also looks at the emotional side of dating, like anxiety, attachment patterns, boundaries, and fear of rejection. In therapy, the goal is not just to get more dates. It is to help you build healthier relationships and feel more secure in yourself.

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I keep deleting and reinstalling Hinge because online dating makes me anxious. Can a therapist help with this, or do I need a separate dating coach?

A therapist can absolutely help with online dating. We can work on practical skills, like profile clarity and communication, while also addressing the emotional barriers that often get in the way, such as overthinking, low self-worth, or dating burnout. If trauma, anxiety, or old relationship wounds are showing up, a therapist is trained to treat those directly. That combination can make dating feel more intentional and less draining.

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